Reset The Clock Quick!

Just got home from a wonderful visit with friends. Tired as hell but a good kind of tired. The job at the ballet definitely reset my internal time clock. Getting up at 5 a.m. everyday will do that to a girl I guess. I really should write something about that job but I'll leave that for another day. Too sleepy to address that subject now!

Back to the visit...

I went over to cook for some dear friends who just had a baby. A few of us are trying to help them out with the strain of having a newborn in the house. Helping out with dinner is a great way to show you care. I love to cook for people but very rarely get the chance anymore. It is such a pleasure to cook for those who appreciate too.

But I have to say the highlight of the visit were the moments I spent sitting in the rocker holding that dear sweet little baby in my arms. There's something so instinctual for a woman when it comes to babies. You just can't help it. They just melt you into a coochie coochie cooing peaceful place. I think I could have sat there for hours. What a intense feeling of tranquilty. But then again, she was asleep...

Sometimes, I almost feel split on the whole issue of children. For years, being an auntie was enough for me. I could get my fix easily enough. I wonder if my sister's moving across country made a larger effect on this feeling than I thought. There is a hole in my life without seeing the kids. I miss them terribly. But also when I'm working, that's enough for me. I get absorbed in my career and don't exactly feel the need for children.

I think there is a sacrifice to be made both ways. Having children is an incredible lifestyle change. You can no longer put yourself first in all things. You have to make tough choices both for yourself and your children. Life can no longer be about you. Instead, your decisions are based on the future for your children and what is best for them. There is no room for selfishness.

Although if you decide to live life childless, you sacrifice also. You miss out on sharing yourself with another generation. You miss out on a great learning experience and a chance to better yourself as a human being. I think children force you to be a better you. You won't have grand-children or extended family in your elder years. Most of all, you miss out on a chance to love and be loved. It's a risk. Love and expression of love. But what in life isn't?

Perhaps both my clocks have been reset...Internal and Biological...Time to fall back or spring forward?

Damn that daylight savings time!