God Hates Me :: And a myriad of excuses for not sitting down and writing a resume

Why must I hate it so? Some say it's my nature. I am the leisure class, and no matter what I cannot change my nature. But perhaps I can change my class. After all, I'm not Hindu. Vishnu hates me. He got Buddha to stop talking to me too. And we were so close to having tea! Nevermind Zeus won't take my calls. Friends have tried to get me on his calander to no avail. And Allah... Allah had been blocking all my IM attempts since friday.

Satan says it will pass. But then again, he's just after my soul. I really thought we had a connection too. Until I caught one of the lesser demons passing around a photo of my aura at the ten step meeting this week. I'm living a lie. You'd think that would be enough for Satan. But no! He has to leer at my corruption and pass it aound the locker room. I've had enough of it. If only Vishnu was still there for me. He really understood my pain. Still after that threesome with Mohammed - He's in denial. I told him not to do it. But oh no, he had to see if he had leanings.

No wonder God hates me.

He always had a crush on Vishnu. He just didn't know what to do about it until I took them to Kiva.

Help me Vishnu! Vishnu take me away.

He said he could take me away from all this. Little did I know I'd have to make a life in a lotus. They're quite constraining for space. And there's no DSL! So fuck that. He only has a land line. I'd totally consider it if he had satellite. Oh, and you can't hang pictures. Something about the landlord being worried about slight tears in the petals. I say just grow another. I mean what good is it being a deity if you can't have a professional portrait of yourself hanging above your mantelpiece.

Anyhow, he doesn't have a coffee shop near by. I'd die. I brought up the idea of getting a personal espresso machine. It seems Vishnu is very into the whole "I'll wait until someone reincarnates as an espresso machine and then I'll get one thing." He's a very morally correct Hindu. He has a reincarnated ice cream maker. Used to be Elvis Presley.

So much for Nirvana without coffee. It seems closer to being hell in that lotus. I mean, really! Eternal Happiness is not achievable without coffee. It seems the Leisure Class ain't that bad. After all, we have coffee. I guess I'll just hang out on the wheel of life a little longer