Peace :: Past and Present

So freaking tired. How can a day off exhaust one so? Didn't do much. I went out for lunch and saw a movie with a friend. We really freaked ourselves out by talking about the anticipation of War. I got so upset thinking about chemical weapons I was sick for a little while there. We both agreed that there was a general sense of helplessness when it came to living here in these times. I can not help but feel utterly out of control when I think of the decision to go into Iraq being out of our hands as a people. I don't agree with the President but I somehow don't believe that mine or any other American's feelings are going to keep him from going on with this.

I feel so small and unsure when I think about it. Of course, I don't want to die. I just get more upset when I think about anything happening to my sister's kids. If some horrible bacterialogical weapon was unleashed, they wouldn't even understand the horror that was unfurled on them. It kills me inside.

I wonder if being uninformed would be better? I don't want to go around being scared. I want to continue to live. I just don't want to feel terrorized or bullied. That's exactly how these people would like us to be.

So after contemplating this all over lunch, we go to see Bloody Sunday. Excellent film but also highly upsetting. It was shot in a very rough steadicam style with numerous cuts jumping from the characters and different points of action. I think the most highly disturbing scene is not the one of the massacre but the one in which the British soldiers go over their story together. The lies they will tell to cover up the atrocity they just committed.

The most incredible and heart rendering scene is one in which few if any words are spoken. It is a scene shot in the Derry hospital where "all" the victims are brought. People worried then weeping for their family lost in a peaceful march for Civil Rights.

Rambling along here, lost in the words I'm thinking of. I'm sad thinking of efforts for peace ignored today and in yesteryear. No matter what country or conflict...

You do have to stand for what you believe or become a hypocrite.